gut punch love

I met a guy on Tinder almost a year ago when I was living in a large mansion alone owned by a millionaire hoarder. His apartment had been robbed a few days before we hung out, so I offered him a place to stay despite him being a complete stranger. After a very strange 2 months of rarely sleeping, being friends with benefits, and riding the motorcycle on acid, he eventually wound up in jail. He got out, and we are now doing quarantine together.

Still just friends with benefits, basically living together again, I love him dearly, I feel like we’ve been married for 10 years, and I couldn’t imagine a better person to be cooped up with.

I think he likes having me around as a companion and enjoys cooking for me but doesn’t love me. Dealing with the polarity of being so happy to be with someone, and heart broken over them not feeling as deeply has been a punch in gut.