the social network
Guy found out I was getting divorced, he started finding excuses for us and our kids to hang out at our pool. Guy starts talking about ending it with his girlfriend, texting me constantly, inviting me to workout with him. Somehow things come up so we just see each other with kids around, thought he still shows interest in us hanging out alone together and stops talking about girlfriend. Winter weather comes, guy is not coming over with kids. Excuses. I check his girlfriend's facebook. Guy proposed to her and put many offers to buy a house together; then left her a few months later for an old flame. Guy and kids spent Christmas with old flame and kids. Guy is now married to old flame, she has no idea how much of a woman-user he is and is boasting about their blended family and twin flame on fb. All of this is on his ex-girlfriend's facebook, she did me a huge favor without even knowing it. He texts me after months of not showing his face, never mentioning all of his life events and basically benching me for later use, to ask me to start picking up his kids from school because he is starting a new job and has a new custody schedule. I said 'No', blamed Covid, which I take very seriously and don't want to risk it, but also because he is an idiot gold-digger that just wants me as a babysitter and to use our pool. I will not let him know that I know all of doings. Let's see what other favors he thinks I'm more than willing to do for him... poor kids!
under the bus
My longtime partner left me the day after we celebrated our birthdays last summer (just to add another wanton layer of cruelty). While he was already starting to date other people in the last few months before the pandemic hit, we were still cohabitating and playing cards and making each other laugh, until one day, while I was in the middle of a Warrior II pose, he just walked out, saying only "I'll see you in a few days." He had found a place nearby, but it just made me feel like I'd been thrown under a bus. I helped him start his own business beginning in the early aughts and spent hundreds of hours creating his site and supporting the business, and was literally still ferrying him around to meetings while he was secretly crafting his exit plan. Even though he had already decided to leave before the pandemic, I don't think I could ever do this to another person, not this way. I feel betrayed, insulted, and utterly empty, not only because he left me totally alone during this crazy time, but also because I needed to find another job to keep my apartment since he was no longer splitting the rent! It felt really cruel, like he was kicking me while I was down -- almost like revenge. Why did he break up with me? He said it was because I never gave him enough sex. But he never attempted to have a conversation about it, or ask to see a therapist about it: He just gradually ghosted me until it was over. He said everything else was perfect, that we suited each other's personalities, made each other laugh, etc. And that he wanted to remain friends. But "sex is the thing I love most in the world," he said. Also, I found out he's a "recovering" porn addict, going on years now. I think his personality has changed over the past few years. I thought we were life partners. I guess not. But even if he didn't want to be together, couldn't he have stayed on just to give me support as a genuine friend would have? I almost feel like he was getting advice and support from someone else to do this; I don't think he would have dared to treat me like this on his own initiative.
love lost
I met a girl on Tinder in January 2020 (but we already had tons of mutual friends at our college). We had my favorite first date ever. When the outbreak hit we started quarantining together at her apartment in Brooklyn even though it was a logistical nightmare (I was flying back from the west coast). We planned on two weeks but she got a little tired of me so she left early and went home to LA and broke off our relationship. Fast forward to December 2020 and she reached out just to be friends, but we quickly fall back in love with each other and we plan for her to visit me in Portland, OR. She visits in March 2021 and it’s an incredible week, GOAT trip. The day after she leaves, fresh off the physicality of being with her for a week, I look around the city and see all the beautiful people and called her and said “I want to be able to see other people.” I really messed up. She might have moved to Portland but after that there was no coming back for our relationship, and she broke up with me again. She said she doesn’t want us to be in each other’s lives anymore. I’m honestly completely devastated— we had so many plans for the future after Covid and now I guess they’re never going to happen. I hope if she’s reading this she knows how badly I regret treating her the way I did, and how much I love her, and how much I would take care of her as my baby if I ever get back on my feet and if we ever get back together in the future.
sex diaries; social distance edition
I matched with an Irish guy on Hinge pre-christmas, Boris unfortunately plunged London into tier 4 and our trip to the pub was cancelled.
Fast forward to January and we were organising a weekend walk in a park. Quickly the plan was altered by Mr O'Hinge, to drinks at his place after work on a Thursday (suddenly he was unavailable at the weekend in a lockdown?). I was skeptical but my flatmates just told me to go and I always had the option to leave if it was awkward. I explained my reluctance over WhatsApp ahead of agreeing but he understood, which put it me ease. (N.B. he lives alone). I arrive at this gorgeous Victorian house a shortish Uber away, equipped with 3 for £7 deli items from M&S, crisps and a bottle of pinot noir.
Mr O'Hinge opens the door, barely recognisable from his profile, he hadn't shaved or had a hair cut in a while, but I look past this (but seriously, you didn't learn to cut your own hair or shave this past year?). He's very welcoming, pours me a drink and we sit down in his living room to break the ice. Mr O'Hinge is very relaxed, juxtaposed to me who's back is poker straight trying to sit as far away as possible from him on the sofa. I guess conversation is flowing, although, it mainly surrounds himself and how wealthy his family is (he later drops that whoever he marries needs to sign a prenup... *Eye roll*)
At this stage I am starving and slightly drunk, (where are the deli artichokes at boyo?) We agree to go into the kitchen and crack open the food, upon when following me through, he compliments my figure, namely my "gorgeous arse" (*blush*). I quickly caught on to his Casanova ways and enquired into his use of Hinge this past year. He fessed up to shagging 90% of women on the first date as he has particular sexual preference, so no point "wasting time" on a girl who won't be into it. I was not put off, intrigued in fact. From here it was a game of cat and mouse to get me upstairs... I resist at first but the making out in the kitchen is hot, helped by a smooth request to Alexa to play D'Angelo on Spotify... fuck it.
Four months with zero physical contact from a male (besides a hug from my dad at Christmas) was enough. It was GREAT sex. He gave as much as he got and I came like there was no tomorrow (unheard of on a drunken first date, am I right ladies?!) Fast forward to 2am after some 50 shades antics, we both have work tomorrow so I need to swiftly order an Uber home. He said I could stay but I didn't have any overnight things (namely my glasses) not wanting to get risk gammy eyes with recycled contact lenses in salt water, I left. We sext all weekend, send pictures and arrange to meet a week later (again on a school night but what else is happening right now in my life?). I would go back but this time we'd have dinner and I'd sleep over.
Ahead of the next rendezvous, I start to feel a little rundown (lack of sleep perhaps, still hungover?) But the glands in my neck are the size of footballs. I contact my GP; they suspect tonsillitis, prescribe some antibiotics but make me take a covid test (don't worry it was negative!) Undeterred by my mini health scare, I return to the Pintreest esque house, ready to be wined, dined and thrown around like a rag doll. Mr O'Hinge is weirdly awkward and doesn't seem interested that I am there whatsoever. Conversation over dinner is dull at best, until we move to the sofa to drink where he perks up (due to the commencement of proceedings). Again, the sex is amazing, but this time I get to stay in this comfy king sized bed and will be spooned and cuddled by a tall man (which is what I actually wanted all along... To lie on a warm hairy chest after a painful year of being so lonely). Mr O'Hinge is also very tactile so the spooning doesn't seem like a laborious task. I take a shower and return to him on his laptop reading the daily mail (lol). Not wanting me to snuggle back in, I turn away into the fetal position drift off. All seems well after a DELIGHTFUL wake up call, I go home we text a bit during the day and then... silence.
I have been ghosted. The absolute fuck? There were MANY red flags about him as a person, but I would have seen past them for continued orgasms in his well heated house, to escape my freezing single glazed flat share. He was 100% NOT boyfriend matieral, so I'm not gutted by this encounter, but I'm honestly astounded that men still think that ghosting is acceptable in 2021?? I thought about messaging him to call out his Casper behaviour, but that would have only fed his ugly ego. *BLOCK* For someone who grew up surrounded by many female family members, ZERO respect for women. They are there for his need only. To tally up my post-coital ailments besides tonsillitis, I have a: UTI, a cut on my vagina and am eagerly awaiting the results of my STI check. I don't regret what happened, only my carelessness with contraception. I have a coil but knowing he's a shagger, should have insisted on condoms. Stay safe y'all.
work from home forever
I can’t imagine returning to working in-person. I’m so much happier and better rested now. I’m head under water with work as usual, but without the stressors of commuting, socializing, wearing pants etc....life is just better. It’s been decades since my depression has been so well-controlled. The world is in flames yet this introvert is thriving. I’m hoping for a quick resolution of COVID....with a highhhhly conservative return to the status quo
single woman
25 years old and never dated in my life. Single woman. And 2020 was the year I wanted to give dating a chance after finishing school and starting my career at my dream job. I guess I'll have to try again in 2022 when I'm 27 and can maybe trust being around others who won't have COVID... I don't even know if that's possible. This pandemic sucks. Perhaps I was meant to be single for the rest of my life because I've just never given a guy a chance. I just push them away or make them my friends. It's not them, it's me. Never think about these things like dating until I came across this website and got me thinking....
get new roommates
I moved into a 1000 square foot apartment with my best friend and his gf. We have a small living room. My roommates decided to go to a four day frat party for NYE and came down with covid. Someone at the house came down with symptoms on the last day yet they didn’t feel the need to tell me for two days. But somehow when I respectfully asked them to follow guidelines and not to sit on the couch WITH COVID, I immediately was screamed and cursed at and called “fucking ridiculous”. But yeah... I’m the asshole.
8 months later
I decided to leave my husband in late February. I put an offer on a house on a Thursday in early March , and the following Sunday I found myself in quarantine with my husband and the biggest secret I’ve ever kept in my life. A month later I closed on the house, announced I was leaving and moved out. This year has not been easy but staying in a marriage that is lacking love, sex and respect is even harder. It took me 8 months to get the courage to write into this website and Instagram I’ve been reading since the pandemic started. But I hope my story gives at least one person the courage to get out of a bad relationship. I’m lonely for now, but I’d rather be alone, than wish I was alone. I’ll find love again and I’m excited for that. I have a wonderful family and group of friends who have been cheering me on throughout this year. If you’re in a bad situation, get out. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it. Good luck.
dating turned disaster
We started dating two weeks before the pandemic hit the US. As college students, we were supposed to be sent home to different states but ended up both getting permission to stay in the dorms. Since we got moved to the same dorm, we ended up effectively living together a month into our relationship. COVID robbed us of the part of dating where you introduce each other to our friends and slowly mesh our lives together: instead we just became each other's whole world. When college started up after a long-distance summer, we became next-door neighbors. However, getting to see friends again and having some return to normalcy ruined everything because I realized we didn't know how to live without each other anymore. We broke up, but since we're still living next to each other we keep having booty calls and don't know how to get out of this cycle.
rock bottom
It was almost a year since I had moved to another city with my boyfriend and best friend of 5 years when the pandemic hit. Things were okay at first, we were trying to be careful even thought he thought I was exaggerating a bit much by wearing a mask back when nobody was wearing them. Soon after I got laid off my job because of COVID-19. Thankfully I had savings, but we weren’t sure how long this would last. Unemployment wasn’t working for me, and my boyfriend was getting more and more overwhelmed with having to pay for our over budget apartment on his own and my ever growing anxiety and need to disinfect everything we touched. Eventually he snapped. On the eve of my birthday, while he was working overnight, my best friend, the only person who I physically had during a global pandemic, broke up through text message, even though we lived together... That birthday was the worst day of my life. I can’t explain how alone and scared I felt that day... The next day, he tried apologizing and acting like he didn’t really mean to break up with me, and wanted us to stay together. Yeah no... few days later, after again lashing out at me and telling me to pack my stuff and leave, I left the city and moved back to my parents house. Months later, I’m still unemployed and no longer receiving unemployment benefits, still at my parents house, and he’s still trying to get me to go back to him (even though he had already given up a month ago when he was flirting with another girl). I’m probably rock bottom right now, but when you are rock bottom, all you can do, is go back up.
burned fast
In March just as we went into lockdown I was recovering from a major mental health breakdown. The space and peace of lockdown allowed me to heal and by late June I felt ready to meet the one and begin my life again... I met him on an internet date in early July. We immediately fell for each other and spent the rest of summer in each other’s arms. The laughter, love, fun, sex, connection has been completely, blissfully, mind blowing. Now in deepest winter with more restrictions on our freedom, we’re running out of steam. Having only each other for company and nothing to do except walk and talk and cook and eat together, he seems to be losing interest. We make love less often, have less to say to each other and struggle to find anything to do. I can feel him backing off. My heart is breaking. If those who burn twice as bright burn half as long, then the pandemic has turned up the heat and burned us out long before we would have had it not been around. I wanted a life with this man. I’m going to be lucky to see out Xmas with him.
good vibes only
I’ve been living with my boyfriend’s family during the pandemic. They have two dogs, one of them (my boyfriend’s) I love but the other is my enemy. A few days ago I couldn’t find my vibrator anywhere. My boyfriend and I trashed our entire bedroom searching. When we gave up, he went downstairs to get some water and found it SITTING ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. There were teeth marks in it. The dog had taken it. This probably means it’s time to get my own place, no?
ch ch ch changes
before lockdown, i was lost in adultery and selfish meaningless relationships i'm now a reformed person and faithful to fiancé despite the long distance love.
all i want for christmas
The song “All I Want for Christmas Is You” has never had more meaning in my life than now. Last week, I reached out to a guy that I messed things up with almost 2 years ago. He told me he didn’t want to reconnect, but I know that he still thinks about me (the evidence for which would be too extensive to list out here). But at the same time, I know I really hurt him and he didn’t deserve that. And now, every night, I find myself asking a god I don’t even know if I believe in for this guy to come back and give me a second chance. Everything was easy with him, I think that means something. I just didn’t realize it back then.
hinge hottie
I left a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship in August 2019. I was finally ready to try dating again by the end of February 2020, and then the lockdowns started. Let me just say dating during a pandemic is extremely difficult. I went months without trying, and then reconnected with an old college flame in the summer that gradually fizzled out. I felt myself doing the same in the fall—trying to reestablish connections with old friends that I was comfortable with, rather than attempting to meet someone new on a dating app. Chemistry is a big tell, and that only comes from engaging in person. With the holidays approaching, I started to feel more lonely than usual and thought I’d give Hinge one more try to see what was out there. After two weeks of talking, I decided to meet the guy in person for a socially distanced date of coffee and strolling through town. He brought me a gift on this first date—of books! He remembered I was an avid reader and English teacher. Needless to say, I was floored and the date turned into 3 hours of great conversation. Though most want this year to be over, the end of 2020 is certainly looking up for me.
june 2021
The days are fine until they’re not. Bad days go like this: I wake at 3 in the morning and have coffee, read the news, work out in the garage. I’d rather sleep in, but this is the only time I have alone. He wakes and showers around 8. By then I’ve been working for hours at a standing desk I’ve fashioned out of a tv tray and a dresser. He attends meetings at the dining room table. He doesn’t work as many hours as me. He makes twice the money and works half as hard. At three, he pours his first drink. He cooks dinner, we eat. After dinner, I do the dishes while he watches TV and drinks in his recliner. We engage in light conversation, nothing serious. After 7 or 8 p.m., he gets angry. Out of nowhere. He starts to yell. He is very drunk now. He slurs and shuffles around the kitchen, laying out his grievances. He bangs pots and pans around. The dog gets scared and scratches on my bedroom door trying to hide, ears back. Occasionally he’ll throw something across the kitchen, but he never hits me. Even drunk, he knows better. If he hits me, I’m gone, covid be damned. I retreat to the bedroom with the dog, eyes wide, mouth shut. Waiting for him to wear himself out, to pass out in the basement. We haven’t slept in the same bed for months. I was going to leave in June of 2020. Then covid nearly bankrupted us. I’m saving money again. Now I’m waiting until June of 2021. It feels so far away. This isn’t a marriage. I’m not a wife, I’m a hostage.
long distance lovers
when i met my significant other, there was an instant and indescribable bond. a week after we said 'i love you', lockdown measures were implemented and i had to fly home, 2000 miles away. we talked every single day, slept on the phone, and tried to not let the pain of being apart get to us. i finally flew back once the school year started. our reunion after nearly half a year was magical. we still fall asleep on the phone almost every night.
how to help
My best friend went back to her emotionally abusive, toxic man (of 3 years) near the start of lockdown. He’s a drug dealing, narcissistic scumbag. I’ve not heard from her since, which is unlike her. When I reach out, she says she’s “dealing with some stuff” and “doesn’t want to talk about herself.” She has poor mental health and her Grandma passed away from Covid. I hear about the rise in domestic violence and my blood turns cold. My police friend said this awful man fits the profile of domestic violence, has definitely physically hurt her and perhaps that’s why my friend has kept me away. I worry about her so much. I miss her so much. I wish she was there for me during my hard times this year even though I know she can’t be.
zooming away
Zoom meetings with family can be a great way to bring people together or drive a wedge between them. We tried a Zoom meeting with my mother and brother on Christmas day. It was tense and awkward. Then three days later, I got a phone call from my mother with admonishments about how the meeting went and how distant my teenaged children were and how we talked over each other (hello Zoom). My children apparently need to learn social norms and my husband and I need to learn how to make small talk. Mom wants to not do that again. I wholeheartedly agree.