under the bus

My longtime partner left me the day after we celebrated our birthdays last summer (just to add another wanton layer of cruelty). While he was already starting to date other people in the last few months before the pandemic hit, we were still cohabitating and playing cards and making each other laugh, until one day, while I was in the middle of a Warrior II pose, he just walked out, saying only "I'll see you in a few days." He had found a place nearby, but it just made me feel like I'd been thrown under a bus. I helped him start his own business beginning in the early aughts and spent hundreds of hours creating his site and supporting the business, and was literally still ferrying him around to meetings while he was secretly crafting his exit plan. Even though he had already decided to leave before the pandemic, I don't think I could ever do this to another person, not this way. I feel betrayed, insulted, and utterly empty, not only because he left me totally alone during this crazy time, but also because I needed to find another job to keep my apartment since he was no longer splitting the rent! It felt really cruel, like he was kicking me while I was down -- almost like revenge. Why did he break up with me? He said it was because I never gave him enough sex. But he never attempted to have a conversation about it, or ask to see a therapist about it: He just gradually ghosted me until it was over. He said everything else was perfect, that we suited each other's personalities, made each other laugh, etc. And that he wanted to remain friends. But "sex is the thing I love most in the world," he said. Also, I found out he's a "recovering" porn addict, going on years now. I think his personality has changed over the past few years. I thought we were life partners. I guess not. But even if he didn't want to be together, couldn't he have stayed on just to give me support as a genuine friend would have? I almost feel like he was getting advice and support from someone else to do this; I don't think he would have dared to treat me like this on his own initiative.