NSFZoom

MY WHOLE COMPANY JUST SAW ME AND MY GF ALMOST MAKE OUT My girlfriend and I are both lucky enough to have jobs we can work remotely—and jobs, period—so we joined the mass Manhattan exodus yesterday. We holed up at her family's house in Connecticut, and we were ready to ride out the rona free of social interaction and, therefore, social awkwardness. So much for that. This morning, my company held our weekly all-hands over Zoom, the video conferencing app—I do, in fact, work at a startup. I'm in her kitchen, and I've downloaded Zoom without breaking anything, and I'm drinking coffee. Everything's humming right along. Then—as I'm sipping my joe and digitally attending my startup's all-hands like a certified professional—my girlfriend approaches me from behind, says something like "Heyyyyy der my bobo," and, what with my being her bobo and all, I turn around, and we *almost* make out. I say almost because, just as we're about to initiate some light morning Frenching, I realize: My entire company is watching us almost make out right now. I panic. My next move is to execute something between a push and a swat, effectively shoving her out of frame, bringing forth a whole new wave of embarrassment. Namely, to the 35 headphone-donning dudes and dudettes looking on mouths agape, did it look like I just beat up my girlfriend? One who I had nearly tongue-kissed nanoseconds earlier? I have no idea what action items I must action or which deliverables to deliver this week. For the rest of this morning’s fateful all-hands, I could only think of my girlfriend and I’s near-makeout. We’re working through this faux-pocalypse in our own ways.