custody of the master bedroom

Sorry I’m a little late to the party, but alas I must share my tale filled with literally the deepest irony of all time and a ballad of  d¥ke drama as old as time. My girlfriend and I have been together just shy of a year, and being true to our nature, moved in together around the 8 month mark. Of course this involved ignoring countless red flags I knew were there from numerous fights prior, but hey—just like a baby is supposed to save a marriage, moving in together can do the same thing right?? RIGHT?!?!?

VERY long story short, I am a nurse who is volunteering to help corona patients in the hospital and with the homeless; she is a hypochondriac actress/producer currently starring in a short film about a hypochondriac lesbian who is having trouble with her girlfriend because she’s an intractable asshole, completely unwilling to go to therapy and/or work on herself in any way. Needless to say I would say the parallels give me great pause.

So literally 2 days before the US went into massive TP buying hysteria, she would hardly touch me (even when I wasn’t working with Covid patients) because I am infected and my work is gross to her, we get in a massive fight due to her saying something flagrantly hurtful (a monthly occurrence at the least), I get sad, she says words don’t matter, you know the rest! And this camel had met her last straw. “I need SIGNIFICANT time and space away from this relationship,” was literally the phrase I used, and hey! Who knew I was also saying that to the whole ass country!!

Currently I have custody of the master bedroom, while she has custody of the office with futon. We are currently sharing joint custody of my hair dryer and Theragun, she has claimed custody of the cordless hitachi wand, while I am stuck with the plug in hitachi I got when I was still living in a dorm. Ironically, now she wants to hug and hold my hand every opportunity she can ask in attempts at getting me back and all I can say is go off I guess!!

Everyone stay safe and best of luck to those also going through breakups during this weird ass time.