funny title-free

My husband and I are both working from home now. We're lucky to live near the water, so my husband was able to take a much needed break and go kayaking. While waiting in the car for him to finish, I was looking for a takeout app on his phone (which he has given me unlock access to) and found out that he had been on a messaging app soliciting encounters with couples. 

When I confronted him about it, he said that's he been so stressed, so anxious, has such a fear of hospitals, of uncertainty, he just felt he needed to do something crazy to release steam. But he would never "do anything" (as if messaging isn't something), wouldn't jeopardize our marriage, loves me more than anything, is of course attracted to me, was going to delete the app tonight anyway. He means it, oh, he means it, can't I trust him?

Maybe it is the stress of the last few weeks.

Maybe its because we've been trying for over a year to get pregnant and sex isn't what it used to be. 

Maybe life with me is so fucking mundane and now there is just no break from it.

I don't know how I feel.