you’re not alone

My husband bailed on us 3 weeks ago when they started shutting everything down. He said it was because he was still working (not an essential business), he didn't want to take a chance and infect us. He came back suddenly yesterday, hugged our boys (ages 4 and 5), which he was not supposed to do since he has not been quarantining and I am immune-comprimised. He moved his belongings back in. This morning while he was in the shower I opened his phone and read his texts. Apparently he thinks this pandemic is just an excuse to party. I found texts to friends and random girls looking for weed, mushrooms, beer and "big titted women with loose morals". This may sound funny but when you're 51 years old with a family at home missing you and needing you..it is just down right wrong and really hurtful. Needless to say, I asked him to leave again. He simply said "okay" and was gone in a flash. Part of me worries for him as I think he's living in the car. I worry that he will get sick and die. I worry for my boys who consider him their hero. I worry for myself as we only have $12.90 in the bank and weren't able to make all of our rent. I have no family to turn to. So here I am just trying to make due with what we have while keeping the boys occupied, happy and healthy and pretending Daddy isn't home because he doesn't want to get us sick.