bad vibes
When I packed my bags to isolate with my family, I did not think that this thing would last THAT long. I packed a few shirts, a couple of sweatpants, two bras I would never actually wear, and of course, my vibrator. I did not, however, pack said vibrator's charger. Anyways, she's sturdy, she's strong, and my previous experience has proven that she lasts for a long time on one single charge. Fast forward fifty-six lonely nights and my trusty vibrator has puttered out. The year is 2020 and the tried and true adage “hindsight is 2020” definitely hits different right now as I reach for my repurposed electric toothbrush.
S.O.S.
I am somehow managing to do the quarantine equivalent of fucking a different guy every night. I’ve been waking up exhausted every day because I’ve been up late sexting every night. I’m fortunate to be able to work from home but have had to turn my phone on do not disturb during the work day because I’ve given way too many guys on the apps my phone number. I’m sending all of them pictures of my boobs like it’s some sort of prize for texting me. I can’t charge my vibrators fast enough, I have at least one die on me every night. If this doesn’t end soon, either my clit is going to fall off or I’m going to become a cam girl. Please send help...and AAA batteries.
pit problems
I had my pits waxed 2 weeks before my city shutdown. 6 weeks later, and I think my hairy ass pits are making my deodorant ineffective. I'm really lucky in the fact that I get to see my parents pretty often. But tonight as I sat for dinner with them, my mom told me if I didn't shave my pits, I'd have to stop coming by for dinner. It really be your own family sometimes.
it’s war
My best friend lives with two girls who faked an illness to be able to have a cat in their pet-free apartment complex. Since then my friend realized that he has an allergic reaction to the cat and can’t breathe when he’s around it. But his roommates refuse to get rid of the cat and let it hang out in the living room despite him asking them to keep it in their room. So tonight as a declaration of war he took the dining room table out of the living room because he bought it and doesn't want to let the cat sit all over it....he’s going for the couch next.
faking covid-19
Considering telling my boyfriend I have Coronavirus just to get a break from him. We are not quarantined together but he is at my place about 4 nights a week, and expects me to shop, cook, and clean for him. Meanwhile my paycheck is cut in half and still he offers no help with paying for food. No help with anything. To be honest I was considering breaking up with him before this all happened. Now I don’t know what I want, except a break.
friend request
Last night I convinced my husband that I had brought in a lady bug from outside to live in our bedroom because, “Honey, we all need friends right now and Amy is my new friend.” He was appalled and couldn’t believe that his wife would bring in a bug that could contaminate us all with the virus and call it her new friend. I kept the joke going for a bit since I couldn’t believe he thought it was true. But then again, I’m grateful for a husband who listens to and believes his wife. Even when her new friend is a lady bug.
hairy situation
Instead of using literally anything else we owned to clear a blockage in the shower drain, my roommate decided to use my hair scissors. Unsurprisingly, this ruined the scissors' balance and they're useless for their initial purpose, unless you want to give yourself or someone else the worst haircut ever. My roommate's hair is getting pretty shaggy, and he has a lot of video conferences coming up. Yesterday he asked me if I could help him cut his hair. I doubt he even remembers ruining my scissors, but I think he'll have his memory jogged soon.
born again virgin
Met my boyfriend at our university campus on my birthday and we spent some quality time. Little did we know that it was the last day we'd be seeing each other before the blasted lockdown. It's been a month now and I think my virginity's gonna grow back.
grateful
This may be the unpopular opinion, but I am grateful to be stuck at home and hope it lasts. Shut down happened right after my 18 y/o kitty, my feline confidant and constant companion for the last 16+ years, was diagnosed with thyroid and kidney problems. He didn't react well to the medicine and now has days where he doesn't eat or can't hold down his food. Sometimes it takes all day for him to finish his breakfast. Because of our dog (who also just started having health problems), I can't just leave the food out unguarded. So I place his leftover food in my office space. Every day he spends most of my working hours sitting in my lap, occasionally getting up to try and eat or throw up. When he climbs in my lap, he loves to caress my face with his tail, giving my Zoom coworkers a view of a giant fluffy feather while we're in the middle of meetings. This is a little guy who has always found ways to bring joy to every situation. Honestly, I am so grateful to have so much time with him in what are likely his last few months. And, frankly, if my being home is helping him, then I don't care how long this lasts. I would happily give up a year of freedom if it meant one more year with one of my closest friends.
do it where you can
My wife and I are locked down with our two teens in a partially renovated house that has several walls missing and no doors on the bedrooms. The bathroom, however, does have walls and a door. The kids think the yoga mat in the bathroom is for yoga. It’s not. It’s there to protect our knees while we have mad monkey sex while they are homeschooling.
cuckoo for cocoa puffs
I have been isolating by myself six weeks now. I stopped buying junk food for the sake of my health after I binged on chocolate and muffins for the first month and left my cupboards bare. Except now I’ve started eating the cooking chocolate. I’m truly hitting new lows.
freudian slip
My boyfriend and i have had a rough time lately due to various reasons. This weekend we finally had some quality time together and talked all night about our insecurities and concerns. After talking everything through we had a great time and all was as it should be. I started giving him a spontaneus blowjob, and just as it was getting hot he accidentally pushed a glass from the nightstand that fell on the floor. I was startled and said «BF what happened». Except i didnt say my bfs name, i said my ex-bfs name that my bf has had some insecurities about. I swear to god my ex was not in my thoughts at all and i have no idea why i said his name. I havent seen him since 2015 and i have no desire or feelings for him whatsoever. I fucked up big time. Will this be the end of our amazing sex life? Help!
wedding blues
We cancelled our June wedding back in March, when things had started to look pretty bad. Fortunately, we've managed to reschedule to July next year at minimal extra expense. I never considered myself the sort of person who was really 'into' my own wedding, but something about all of this has made me profoundly sad. I can't look at pictures of our venue without getting upset, and it feels ridiculous but I can't help it.
pie in the sky
Week 8 on lockdown and I've started taking pictures of food held up to the sky. I guess we all need something to pass the time?
seeking horniness
looking for stories from couples or single womxn who are thinking about sex and intimacy/dealing amid COVID-19 for a book about desire
please contact writer allison p. davis via email: allisonpdavis@gmail.com
or on instagram: @babymeatballs
you can also take her sex survey here: shorturl.at/sxyE9
pizza my heart
i'm so relieved to scroll through some of the stories and see that other quarantined couples have had fights about blocks of cheese, ritz crackers, etc... i'm proud to join their numbers and report that my fiance and i had one of our top 5 biggest fights about.... frozen pizza. (my opinion - keep the box in the freezer until the oven is hot so it doesn't start to thaw and get soggy; put a sheet pan on the rack below to catch any stray cheese drips. his - do the opposite of both of those things, apparently.) we've recovered and it now feels like the pizza incident happened years ago (it was last week). but who knows what will happen next time one of us wants to warm up a frozen, cheesy, carb-loaded treat.
winner winner chicken dinner
I got my boyfriend to share in the cooking especially as he isn't working and I am, so we now alternate cooking dinner. I asked him if we could eat less meat, maybe just once or twice a week. It's been more than I'm used to and it's expensive. On his next turn, he made chicken again. I went to bed without eating or saying good night. I couldn't face being the person with an issue again. I'm always the person with an issue, he never has any issues with living with me. Do I have a problem, or does he, or do both of us?