a lot of porn
My mother is the perfect victim for Covid 19. She is 76 years old, asthmatic, high blood pressure, has had multiple strokes and open heart surgery. Needless to say she is under full lockdown with her caretaker. She has a spare bedroom that she rents out to a 20 something year old guy. The other day I was talking to her on the phone and asked what he was doing? Was he staying home and being careful? “Well” she said “ I think maybe he is having people over. I hear a lot of sex noises coming from his room” “Are you sure it’s not just his video games?” I asked. “I know what sex sounds like” she told me. I screamed “ That is so reckless I’m going to have to call him” After a VERY uncomfortable conversation it turns out he’s just watching A LOT of porn. So I kindly asked him to wear some head phones.
molotov cocktail
Me and my boyfriend had just moved into a new apartment, bigger than our previous one because we both complained about the lack of space for each other. We thought having more space would help fix some of the issues, but the quarantine made it clear that space was the least of our problems. Turns out my boyfriend, having grown up in a very patriarchal society (Indian), is used to having or craving for control. This, added to his germophobia, has created a perfect Molotov cocktail. Each day comes with a new set of fears after reading articles in reddit. His anxious tantrums are a common thing every time I open the front door to go water my plants or take out the trash. I do wash my hands whenever I come back inside but it's never enough. Never enough soap, never enough time, never enough skin or garments being washed. My eyes are indeed getting a lot of exercise from rolling and rolling, but every now and then I curl up and weep a little because this situation is taking a big toll in my mental health...and I can't leave.
send nudes
My 8 year old son just got Messenger Kids, an app that all his friends and cousins seem to have acquired since quarantine. It’s installed on my phone because his iPad is too old. It’s a stripped down messaging service that he basically uses to text and send dumb gifs. This morning he asked me to check to see if he had any new messages. That’s when I noticed his message sent last night to his friend. There was a gif, a doodle, a few screen captures of my yoga app and then there were about 15 pictures off my camera. There was one that was for my boyfriends eyes only - my nipple! I was freaking out. I immediately texted my friend who said her son hadn’t looked at the app yet (so phew) but OMFG what the actual fuck. And the app is so basic that you can’t delete any parts of messages or photos sent. Her removing my son and me removing her son didn’t work: when we added them back in the whole message chain with photos reappeared. So I had to delete his whole account and set up a new one and change camera permissions. It could have been SO MUCH WORSE (the content of photos) and his friend could have seen or it could have gone to a friend with a less chill mom but ohhhhhhh man I’m freaking out a bit still. I’m not ready for this HUGE tech leap that all the kids just had to make. As of Friday he his own GD laptop now for school. What is going to happen with that?!
get it out
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. We’ve lived together for two. His laziness, excessive drinking, unhealthy eating habits, GAMING, selfishness, bad-at-cooking-ness, and inability to do chores is shining ever so brightly in this moment. Major anxiety about feeling like I’ve already wasted three years with a man I want to end it with. Trying to meditate through it and re-access my life immediately after this virus ends. Feels good to get that out!
hold tight
I just want to thank you all for the laugh, I found this one while googling "How to get over a breakup while quarantined", still nothing on the whole Google...and me, still searching for something. He left me and I went back to my home country, with my whole life in 3 suitcases, in the middle of a Spain's lockdown, 3 weeks ago, leaving my life and my second home over there, with zero plans, knowing I won't be back so soon (or ever, still unsure). Hold tight ya'all and take care of the people you love and care about!
mask off
Day whatever of corn teen.. I made a really cool customized face mask for my boyfriend which took me like 2 hours (out of my obviously really busy day). I was expecting him to be really stoked on this super cool and useful thing I made for him but when I went to give it to him, he was so wrapped up in a game of ‘call of duty’ on his phone that he barely looked at it. I was so enraged by this reaction that I locked myself in the bathroom for hours while he pleaded for forgiveness on the other side of the door and begged me to let him at least use the toilet. I don’t know where he relieved himself but it was definitely not in that bathroom.
cruel irony
My boyfriend and I broke up 1 week before the virus hit the East coast because we couldn’t handle being in an LDR anymore. I am now working remotely. Cue the first opportunity in 14 months to live together.
all shoes are inside shoes
Day 20 in Washington State, I think I hit a new low when I was gardening outside, looked down, and realized I was gardening in my slippers.
better than nothing
i had an urge to tell my boyfriend i love him one night. it had been on the tip of my tongue for weeks but i had this gut feeling of "now or never". i rolled over as he was starting to sleep and finally said it. he said it back. two days later quarantine began. although he lives 200ft down the block, we can't see each other because my roommate is working at a COVID hospital. we bend the rules and go on a walk together sometimes, staying a few feet apart and not touching each other. it's so painful to not hug your loved ones, but this is better than nothing.
miss the money
Besides not going to work and a few extra errands here and there, not much has changed. Socializing is easier when you are a phone call away and a laundry load behind. As an optimist I am looking at the bright side. I love to socialize but the lazy in me is loving it for the most part! Oh but I do miss the money. Fuck.
playing games
I just moved to NorCal in January. Before that, I’d always lived in Oklahoma. NorCal’s great! I love it. And I like my roommate. But his fiancée who has been over every day for multiple hours is not pleasant to be around at all. They’ve spent hours playing card games...and arguing. I’m not sure if they’re getting married or divorced in July. I’m social distancing both of them.
it’s complicated
My boyfriend didn’t appreciate my coronavirus panic attacks, and asked me to take a few months off. I agreed, because I needed hand holding, and his patience with my health anxiety was already worn thin (prior to March). So…. here I am, now sleeping on my ex boyfriend’s couch instead of freaking out if I’m home alone at night. He’s an acupuncturist, and now specializing in points to treat my coronavirus panic and insomnia.
still life
He broke up with me. The next day Shelter in Place was in effect. All these years together, and when it seemed the world was ending he realized I wasn’t the one he wanted by his side. We’ve been in quarantine together for weeks now, but I feel so alone still.
one day at a time
I just read the ‘time out’ time has been lengthened to May 20th. I went through all the stages of grief in 10 minutes. I’m glad no one could see me. Ok, back to Dr. Phil, Crank Yankers and spice cake. ...and some prayer. I know I’ll get through this. I, we have too. PS.... Thank you for this outlet
dreaming of the ex
I've had dreams about my ex boyfriend for almost 8 years. Rarely romantic, the dreams are primarily a painful reminder that I lost a good friend from a bad breakup. They're the kind of dreams you wake up from and can still feel the heavy emotions. Sometimes I wake up crying. Sometimes I wonder if enough time has passed for me to reach out, but I don't want to bring pain into his life, so I never do. Two nights ago, I had another dream about him. But this time, I had a dream guide (a flowing sort of large floral arrangement) that walked me through my past relationships. The guide focused on this particular ex, but approached it in this loving and light-infused way that seemed to expand my mind and swirl in blues and yellows. I can't explain it and don't fully even remember the dream, but I woke up a changed woman. All the pain, all the wistful regrets, all the wondering - gone. Let go. At peace. With all of my anxiety about what's going on in the world, keeping family safe, and what's going to happen to my job ... I never expected to find such solace in something that's been so much for so long. It really gives me hope that our current crisis will too reach a place of peace one day (just hopefully just not 8 years away).
you’ll get through this
Three weeks into quarantine and my bf of three years tells me he changed his mind and doesn't want to build a life with me. We have been through so much together before this: both of our parents divorces, family medical issues on both sides, mental health breakdowns on both sides. We now live together and he just dropped this on me last night and is just going about his day today, like a weight is off his shoulders. I feel like I can't breathe. I don't know how to act or what to say. I'm falling apart on the inside and can't get out.
the wardrobe diaries
I’ve been living in leggings, tracksuits, t-shirts for the past 3 weeks. I keep all of this clothing in a set of drawers in my bedroom. I had left a pair of sandals on the kitchen floor under a stool, I would just sweep or mop around them but the other day I decided to put them away in my walk in wardrobe. I realised when I turned the light on and walked in It was the first time I’d entered it in 3 weeks. I have not been back since. I might visit over the weekend and choose something nice to wear for Easter.
raging UTIs
IVF got cancelled so having sex with the husband, which I forgot, gives me raging UTIs. He's no more annoying than normal apart from I've taken to being the supplies manager during this war and he's the "lets go to the supermarket get basil because we can't have pasta without it" guy. We're also moderately petrified because I'm unemployed, he's furloughed from a retail company and we have a massive new mortgage because we bought a new house this year. But it has a garden and space to hide which is definitely a bonus.
husband of the year
I have been doing nothing but have a complete emotional breakdown for 3 weeks now while my husband sits at the table and calmly works from home. It is odd how calmly he talks on the phone to clients while I lay sobbing only a few feet away but he has treated my complete unraveling with patience, compassion, and care. While my world has collapsed he has helped to make sure the salvageable bits are being salvaged and let's me grieve and work through it all on my own without telling me I need to cheer up or hey over things. He seriously deserves a medal for dealing with me these past few weeks.
texting the ex
ME: I hope the hookup culture is gone like it would be cool if everyone was like “yo fuck that, im only here for so long, and like yeah ur hot but ur probably rly cool too, lets talk”
HIM: Yeah, you low key may have ruined sex for me for the rest of my life but like in a very good way And wouldn’t have had it any other way.
ME: *turns on cardi b*... then Texts: you just figuring that out now?