solo shower
We are now on day 15 of lockdown. I’ve noticed that my showers seem to be getting longer and longer. I stand in the water and rub my face like I’m trying to rub myself away. It’s not that I don’t like my family, Obviously I love them. it’s just the only real time I seem to get to myself these days is when I’m in the shower.
old sexts
My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 3. Last night we put our 8-month old angel baby girl to sleep and sat by the pool to have dinner. It was a nice change from our usual Netflix/wine binge. Friends had sent the Instagram challenge of posting your first picture with your partner so we started scrolling through pictures of us from years ago. We then found a folder of all the naked pictures I used to send him when we were in college. I cannot believe what a dirty slut I was! I mean, I was literally scandalized by my own sexting!
Oh how times have changed...
stuck in croatia
I'm currently stuck in Croatia, And simply can't get home to australia.. my flights keep getting cancelled and countries borders are closed so atm I have no way of getting home..my poor family are freaking out, There was also a severe earth quake here last week. im resilient, I will get through this. I've had so many lovely strangers here help me Out.. it's been amazing. So the moral of the story is.. You don't know how good you have it being quarantined in your own home, in your own country.. my how I envy you.. I just want to get home..
so yeah
Day 23 in quarantine and well.... living with my parents is the worst idea I’ve ever had. It also doesn’t help that I’m weirdly horny?? I haven’t had sex in 5 months but this month HAS to be the one where I just NEED human contact. I’m honestly mad at my vibrator at this point. I just look at it, and think “if only you could cuddle me too...” so yeah, going swimmingly.
hangry
My husband and I are working from home together for the first time. We normally get along like two peas in a pod. We have a routine where we eat every meal together. It’s nice and it’s sweet. The other day I had to take a call just before lunch. When I went downstairs I asked ‘what’s cooking good looking’ - nothing! The bastard reheated himself some food, cleaned up, and was sitting on the couch eating... His excuse - I didn’t think you wanted anything because you took the call... he didn’t even leave anything out. He cleaned up! I have never loved him less in that moment and we didn’t speak for the rest of the day.
married in misery
It’s been a long six years, and our three year marriage has never been easy - blended family, surprise baby that brought us together; rife with emotional abuse, stonewalling ... the list goes on. Two months ago my husband attempted suicide ... so needless to say, reckoning with that experience and trying to move to a future together seems almost impossible - and this was before COVID-19. Now, quarantined together, I realize just how loveless our marriage is. I’m exhausted and just don’t see how we are going to survive any of this without making each other completely miserable. We may survive the Corona virus, but I don’t think our marriage will. We both deserve to find love and mutual respect if we can’t find it here.
grateful for distance
When I was eight my dad yelled at me and my brother in the middle of a Mall of America food court, drawing stares and calling us spoiled awful brats, because we asked if we could go to a sticker store. I remember my mom cooing at him to please calm down.
When I was a teenager he deleted all my mp3s and called me a terrible little bitch on the same awful day. In my thirties, he called me out of shape, a bad sister, an awful employee, and said in front of a therapist that he wished he could institutionalize me against my will. Asking him to apologize for these things has always turned out to be a bad move since it only triggers him again. Narcissists never apologize!
All these years I have tried so hard for my mom's sake to "just be nice." I would go to family dinners and have long conversations and even hug the man, but honestly, even though I knew they were eating it up, it was so painful for me. Being fake is draining. Now we're quarantining in our separate houses. He sent out a family video chat meeting and I just flat out told him I was not interested in participating because I was enjoying having time apart from him. (Where did that boldness come from??) He said but you came over and ate pizza and watched the super bowl with us, so doesn't that mean everything's good in our relationship? I can't make this shit up.
I'm so grateful to at last have peace and space from this toxic person. I'm alone in my house and I love it. I talk to my friends a lot, and I'm just SOAKING UP how good it feels to be safe and free in those special female to female friendships.
covid with kids
Hubby, I can handle. We've basically lived in each other's pockets for years and we're both working from home so everything's great. We can have lunch together, take a quick power nap together, natter about our days. But I'm about ready to strangle my kid because everything he does requires that he inform me of whatever he finds interesting/funny/frustrating, or he decides to have a day long gaming session right behind me while I'm trying to work and make sure I'm up to date with it. And don't mention getting a job or a car if you don't want a blank look from him. You're 19 years old! You can keep yourself entertained without my involvement! And my dear spawn, English class was to teach reading comprehension...you can't drive a manual car on an automatic license.
healing
Right before social distancing was implemented in my country my husband and I called it quits (his affair with a co-worker, just not IN love with you anymore...tale as old as time). It was hard to not really be able to be with my support system. I was alone for the first time in my life. Then it dawned on me. I can play any song I want on repeat for hours, hell the entire day! I never liked the furniture there, let's just rearrange it! I'm going to work on my business for as long as I feel like it today without worrying about giving him enough attention! It feels shockingly good to be alone and decide my day based solely on my own desires. I never would have thought that this is exactly what I needed to heal.
oh baby
Me and my husband had big plans for this year. We were going to break ground for our first home. We had appointments to get his teeth fixed. I was going to start my business. Oh, and I'm pregnant. Due at the beginning of June. Since I'm "high risk" I got sent home a week ago. At least he’s still working. Everything but this baby has been put on the back burner. And even then, my anxiety has been through the roof because all my prenatal classes have been cancelled. I try to hide the anxiety attacks until after he leaves for work. He's stressed out enough as it is.
how can we ever go back?
So... Not to make light of a truly tragic period in history, but... I LOVE living in quarantine. I’ve never been a morning person, but now, sans commute, elaborate blowouts, and the annoyance of putting outfits together (Did that come back from the dry cleaner? Who cares!!), I stroll around making a big breakfast, enjoying my coffee on the patio, organizing my thoughts around a suddenly extremely engaging series of problems to solve at work; I’m contributing and innovating! I exercise 2-3 times per day, at leisure, and have always loved sitting in total silence. I am making food, art, music and studies again. I have virtually reconnected with friends, and family. And I get to wear jeans. Every. Day. There are of course drawbacks... the death and paranoia isn’t great, I worry about family and friends with existing health issues... I wish I had the OPTION for physical proximity to some people (because I DO miss them). But, generally? This is ideal. It’s bothering me to think about how I’ll ever readjust to all the superfluous decorum that I never really liked in the first place when we “go back”. How can we ever “go back”?
it was the worst of times
I don’t know what’s worse. Being confined to your house with no end in sight home schooling the teenager who already knows everything in the world, or being confined to your house with no end in sight with a partner who now has literally ALL day to crack “man” jokes.......😐
tampax
I'm 32 and moved back in with my parents a few weeks ago because of Covid as I live alone. I started my period and yesterday, I had to ask my Dad to get sanitary products for me from the supermarket because I'm not allowed out yet. My Dad's response 'Tell me what brand.' 'Just sanitary towels.' 'What brand?' 'Not Tena Lady.' 'Okay. But what brand?' He came back and said, ' I queued for 40 minutes and then I was loitering by the vegetables and this shop assistant asked me what I was looking for. I looked at her and said 'Tampax' and she didn't know what to do. She pointed me to the aisle and left.' He then texted all his friends with the story because he thought it was hilarious (he works in a factory). Then the dog proceeded to use my night-time level sanitary towel pack as a chew toy. I'm done with this.
i would walk 1000 miles
I am quarantined over 1000 miles away from my kids. When I left their Dad 7 years ago, he took the one part of me he knew he could have and has controlled the situation ever since. I was too broken to see this coming. Despite this, my kids and I have a beautiful relationship and I’ll never give up on them. He thinks he’s won but I’m not playing his game. I’m playing a long, patient, heart-wrenching game but a mother’s love can pass through any walls. We will get through this.
don’t kiss and tell
My quarantine story is a bit different we don’t live together. We are both essential workers and need to be in the field daily. After 3 weeks of safety precautions (gloves, mask, alcohol, sanitizer, and washing hands) my girlfriend said now that she does not want to make out anymore because of the pandemic. If you’re as confused as me. Let me try to explain. When this whole thing started about two weeks ago we were shopping together, hanging out in her apartment and she visited mine as well. No conversations about not kissing or intimacy. We were intimate just last week. Now she does not want to kiss anymore because there is a pandemic. The timing of it all seems like an out for ending the relationship. We just had a convo about me feeling like she was not showing any affection. Just seems like the end of the road and this health crisis gave her an out.
glass half full
i live in los angeles and when they announced that our safer at home would last for another three months, i was in a state of despair. but then, i started thinking about the “silver linings” of this pandemic. my boyfriend and i adopted a dog, i no longer waste any time commuting, i’ve had lovely conversations with my neighbors, i talk with my parents much more, i’ve reconnected with old friends, etc. covid-19 is forcing us all to re-examine our priorities and i feel very lucky to live with someone i love in an apartment that is clean and bright. i’m still worried sick for front line workers and health care workers and wish there was more i could do to help. but by staying inside and limiting my trips to the grocery store, i’m doing my part. some days are worse than others, but today i feel okay.
bitch puhleaze
My gf and I have lived together for nearly as long as we've been together, which is 10 years. She has her own gig WFH, and I have a designed WFH corporate role. In truth, she doesn't have great work ethic, doesn't do much normally for work (or socially!), and sometimes doesn't leave the house for 2 or 3 days. Now, the other day on a video call with friends, she goes, "I just want to get out of the house. I can't stand being locked up like this!" I’m thinking “Bitch, puhleaze. This is your normal life; STFU”
mutual ghosting
I’m quarantined w my brother since we’re house mates. I never know what mood he’s in but I’m used to that since we grew up together. It’s been 3 weeks and he’s become even more of an alcoholic. I have turned into a master chef. I’ve also decided to end things w my partner we haven’t seen each other in weeks . I’m not gonna tell him we’ve been on the end of relationship for a while now and since this started we haven’t really talked. So I think we both kind of mutually are ghosting each other moving forward. I guess things are true the universe will tell you what you do or don’t need you just have to listen
stuck
I am stuck in a place with a new boyfriend. I have been quite the successful nomad in life, and came out here to take a month long work gig and to give the relationship a try on his turf, and to see how he lives when not on vacation, where I met him. I always knew when I came out, that I had an “out” at the end of the month long gig, and could leave and give some space to whatever I found with him. I could leave and not have to be with him if his behavior did not prove to be something I could live with or any other reason.
I knew he had a problem with alcohol before coming out, or at least that he was quite the consumer and that I am not. During our time living apart for the second half of 2019 after our first steamy month together when both on vacation, he went through some pre-come to Jesus moments, and told me he had not been drinking or smoking, everything under control. As time has passed and I have been here, and then Coronavirus was here too- and lockdown set in; along with some of the realities of moving past honeymoon phase, I am seeing how I yet again have put someone to the test whom I pretty much knew would fail.
My summer job will most likely not happen, and my April trip to work in my hometown across the country is not happening. I have no home except where the heart is, and now I am stuck. In heart and mind, and also physically.
Now I face a smelly man, a smelly apartment (alcohol and cigarette smell), a sense of fear for my future, and the disappointment. Like clockwork the addiction pattern and denial has arrived, though it was nowhere around for the first month I was here, and there seemed no specter of it. Micro abuses accompany the predicted pattern, nothing too bad, and I mean that, as he is a good person. This is a good lesson to see that I can’t just “try on” a dangerous situation and see if I can maybe come out ahead. It’s like my addiction- oh I can take this drug a time or two and can leave it behind.. I know the pattern of alcohol abuse, as my dad went from just beers when I was a child, to later in life a maximum abuser, almost to his death. Now he is in a care facility because he burnt all of his bridges multiple times, is dysfunctional on his own, and the alcohol induced dementia makes its presence increasingly known. I am a hot mess, confused at what I want. I think I may be trying to squeeze gold from aluminum with him, trying even now that I write and seek help, to rationalize and stay and think it will be ok. In truth I just don’t know yet. Maybe the relationship will be ok, but I must know that I am not the decider on whether he seeks treatment or his own steely abstinence. I can only control myself. So, giddyup to that. Please help.